The Threesome I Can't Remember

Astrology can clear up or mix up a person as much as any other psychological, philosophical or religious mirror, a looking glass in the endless mirror hall of life.  ~Markku Siivola

Flashing moments of clarity hit me this week.  Like a stop action film, they came, they went.  I'm in a flurry of activity lately.  Busy, full, bountiful and exhausting.  Being one who overdoes as a rule, and hates being behind on anything is, well, exhausting. 

One stop action moment came this week while talking with my goddess, Heather.  She's my massage therapist, friend, confidant, soul sister and inspiration on much of who I am NOT.  We laugh till we cry sometimes, share stories, discuss issues, share victories and vent.  Truly goddess material here. 

I was sharing with her this odd moment in my past that I hadn't thought about in a long time.  Not that long ago, though sometimes it feels like ages, I was a very lost person.  Looking everywhere for direction and floundering around trying on everyone else's identities in an effort to find my own.  I took far too many suggestions, listened far too little, shut out far too many people, ate far too much food and consumed far too much beer.  I was a mess.  One day I found myself at a local chiropractic clinic.  This particular clinic is alternative in nature and based on some Eastern medicine that is still mysterious to me.  I made my way through session after session though.  Sitting there.  Answering questions.  Wanting so much to be part of something; to get answers I couldn't even understand yet let alone find.  Sigh...hindsight. 

During one session I was required to see an 'emotional specialist' who would help me to uncover the mental blocks to my physiological issues.  I sat with her in this tiny office, silent but for the trickle of the fountain, rows and rows of books around us.  She held my hands, looked into my eyes, talked to me meaningfully and with purpose.  Her conclusion...I was one of three.  I was a triplet.  The only survivor of the three.  Um...what?  Seriously lady? 

Now, I'm not here to judge.  I promise that.  But I guess my recollection of this moment with Heather this week, well, it just struck me as such a load of BS.  Who does that to people?  Who tells someone who is already lost and wandering around, who has just opened their soul up on the table, that they are one of three?  How is that helpful?  "It's the reason you're always searching." she said.  Huh.  Okay.  "It's why you always feel like something is missing.  Because it is.  They are."  Good lord lady...

So I told Heather all of this on the massage table on Monday night.  She stopped the massage several times throughout to listen more intently and to ask questions, to laugh with me, to examine the situation and, after assuring herself that I was not completely warped, to crack some of the funniest one liners I've heard in a LONG time.  Ohhh lord did we laugh.  And when we did...time stopped, for a moment, for a snapshot.  Her head back in pure joy, laughing till she could barely breathe, and me, tears rolling down my cheeks and hands over my eyes giggling there on the massage table. 

So Wednesday rolls around and here I am writing on my blog about what my other goddess, my other Heather, the beautiful and inspirational Libra sister chose as our focus for our weekly collaboration and I'm thinking how strange it is that I conjured up this memory THIS week.  That it is related to our collaborative focus for the week in many, many ways and how while I still don't buy it...maybe, just maybe...the intended message is somehow being heard.  Years later, through experience, hell, love, fighting my own survival and finally some self discovery, I'm finding out that being lost in a stop action world of busy and creative and hellishly behind is what it's like to be me.  Hell yeah.