4.06.2012

how messy and uncertain



Shades of gray.  Sometimes being an educator is like wading through shades of gray.  Earlier this week, my job thrilled me.  It made me laugh aloud.  It made me proud to be witness to creativity and learning.  It fulfilled.  Not tonight.  Tonight it feels like a hazy gray fog that I can't shake.  It feels like sadness and lingering.

Sometimes, this job is about more than standards and testing.  It's about far more than graded papers piled up neatly and desks in tidy groups.  It's about kids.  About being their only constant.  About feeling through hunches and working on your gut feelings.  It's about asking where the bruises came from, and how the scratches came to be.  It's about my hand, covering my eyes because looking at the situation is just so damn hard sometimes.  It's seeing through the lies, through the shades of gray and finding a way to bring light into the life of a child who has absolutely none.  It's messy.  It's uncertain.  It breaks my heart.

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