1.25.2012

There Aren't That Many R's in the Box

I had one of 'those weeks' before Monday was even half way over.  If I'd paid attention I'd have known it was coming.  The cold snap broke, the air started to clear, the moon was low and beautiful in the sky, and I'd just come off a kick-ass weekend...I should have known something was coming.  It was one of those moments when all the wrong things were said in all the wrong ways and I was in the midst of it all.  Naturally.

For the most part, I spend my days with my students and with myself.  I don't eat lunch outside of my classroom.  I eat alone.  I find it's not a horrible way to spend the time...in silence.  I guess.  But sometimes the Libra in me pops to the surface.  I want conversation, laughter, a face to talk to besides the Rango poster on my classroom wall.  Unfortunately this week I just couldn't find it, or I just didn't go searching because sometimes when I do venture out...like on Monday, I'm just met with disappointment in the end anyway.

Changes are on the horizon though.  Of that I am certain, as certain as I am that I should have known a rough patch was coming on, and as certain as I am that there may have been only one R in that entire box of Scrabble Cheez-Its. 

1.18.2012

The Power of the Kick

Allow your added responsibilities to forge even greater power and self-assurance. Ironically, much of your inner strength may be cultivated by facing and overcoming frustrations and obstacles. So tackle challenges as if they are tailor made to teach you something valuable.


January is a tough time for me.  Almost as tough as April...ugh, April.  The longer shadows start to make it easier to bear the cold, and if I get a chance to see them, the sunsets enchant me.  The tough part is the responsibilities that crop up this time of year in my 'regular' job.  Retesting, recommitment, reexamination...it's all there again...rules, regulations and guidelines all to be revisited and reevaluated. 

For most of the country, January is a time of new discovery.  It's a time to find a quest to pull through the year.  A time to begin something anew.  For me though, this January has been about going back and doing over.  It's frustrating.  It's also realistic and needed though and since that is my reality, I need to find more ways to buck the system in little ways.  More ways to begin anew. 

A stolen self portrait on a frigid -11 degree winter afternoon between appointments...that's my way of bucking the system for today.  Connecting with a friend who lives far to far a distance from me...that's my way of bucking the system.  It's not the size of the buck, it's the power of the kick.  Right? 

1.11.2012

Embracing Pluto

One of my current favorite songs is by You Got Your Way by Alicia Lemke.  At first it was her Alicia's angelic voice.  Then it was the lyrics, romantic and magical, finally it was an identification with what she had to say.  She may have been talking about love, about surrender...about art.  To me art is surrender.  In its many forms and morphs, the callings late at night that find me waking with a fierce need to DO, the trance of paint on my fingers and chalk beneath my nails, the click of a shutter, the waving of a Polaroid.  It's love.  True love.  It truly makes me tick.
It's through art that I've met many of the people in my life who not only fuel my love with their support and friendship, but who push me to try, to DO, to BE the artist I feel inside.  Those same people are the listeners who hear that same song late at night, and who know just what it means to create with your soul and feel the full sense of being when you've listened to the urge and done even a smidge of what you dreamed.
Heather is one of those people for me.  She and I first connected on Flickr.  Both going through 365 projects, kidding around and finding out who we were, what we wanted to say, and how we wanted to say it.  Her open personality, love of all that is natural and all that is reflection and light drew me to her immediately.  I've seldom had the fortune of recognizing the feeling of gratitude for listening to my own heart.  But I feel that with Heather.  She is a dear friend now and when I thought about collaboration again...though there isn't time and I don't need more and blah, blah, blah...I thought immediately of Heather.
Once a week, together, we'll find a way to connect.  We'll have common inspirations, common words to build on.  Each of us will do what we've always done.  We'll find ways to hold each other's hands from a distance...push a little, pull a little, roll things over, and sift through experience to render down the visual.


Embracing Pluto Week #1
Libra is the only zodiac symbol that's neither animal nor human -- but surely that doesn't make you any less human.  Artistically, Libra tries to balance form, content, colors and elements, and for this reason can be drawn toward creative endeavors.

Indeed...balance.  A Neskowin stone, a palette of paints, stolen moments in a busy day of fifth grade madness, an uncomfortable place on the other side of the lens, and a Libra...

1.05.2012

Fences and Jumping



I was venting a little bit earlier today.  I said something about needing to start getting myself together because I'm a flurry of go-go-go.  I told him that sometimes I fear 'the other side of the fence' more than I do trying to do it all.  That's not actually true.  I don't fear the other side of the fence much at all.  Those around me do.  Seems like most people I know do, but I don't.

I've never been afraid to jump.  It's in my nature.  I jump into the pool and hope it fills before I hit the bottom.  It's how I learned not to put aluminum in the microwave, how I learned that staples really can go through skin, and the reason I am as stubborn as the day is long; because when I jump, I also commit. 

So where is this new fear of letting go come from?  Maybe I listen too hard to those around me; making their thoughts mine.  Maybe I'm actually becoming an adult.  Maybe, maybe, maybe...sigh...too many maybes.

I just need to get my butt off the fence and slip onto the other side.  Someday.

1.01.2012

I am a girl of many inspirations.  Many sources, wells, finds, inspirations and influences.  They pelt me; and try as I may to organize and weed through them I just find too many things that draw my artistic eye.  Too much beauty.  Excess information.  Bountiful love.  This is so true of me in all aspects of my life.  If you know me, this is old news to you.

So of course this idea of blogging is not new to me.  I've started no less than seven blogs in the past two years.  I use the word 'started' with a smirk because truly, I never really started.  I just pretended to start.  I agonized over backgrounds and headers, fonts and colors and craftily avoided the meat and potatoes part (I am not fond of meat and potatoes anyway).  Again, if you know me, this is old news to you.

So why should this blog be different?  Well, other than the presence of writing (which is an oddity amongst my previous attempts), it's coming at the right time.  The right time for me.  The time when I deem it to be 'blog time'.  The time when I have finally decided I'm tired of not hearing myself think aloud, and I'm ready to speak a little louder.

A gazillion inspirational words could begin this year of blogful wonder.  I chose one set though (hallelujah!) to support my thinking.  From Scoutie Girl's Sara Gentile: 

Creativity really isn't about things.  It's about expansion.  It's about being on the edge of the known world, feeling for the boundaries and giving them a nice solid nudge.


And I'll do just that.  Push myself a little, reflect on what I adore, what I hate, my fears, my pride, annoyances, kids, wonder, business, teaching, living and love.  It's about damn time I gave myself this small gift.  Here's to a new year of boundary nudges.

Regard your self-loathing/fear/doubt the way you might pick up a piece of glassware in an antique shop. Turn it over in your hands, hold it up to the light for scrutiny. It once belonged to someone else and then went into general circulation. Now put it down. Move on.
~ Deb Schanilec, Connected and Committed